Pirates of the 21st Century
by Dreamality
Summary: Sequel to "Teenagers of the Caribbean." Jack, Will, and Elizabeth are transported into Liz and Carrie's home and go to high school with them. More hilarity and mayhem ensues when Commodore Norrington and Jack the Monkey show up.
1. The Black Void Strikes Again

Pirates of the 21st Century

A/N: This is a sequel to "Teenagers of the Caribbean." Read that first, it'll make more sense.

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The night was quiet. _Pirates of the Caribbean_ was playing on the wide-screen TV. I was in my favorite pair of pajama's, munching on kettle corn, my favorite snack. Carrie was hogging most of the blanket, but I would forgive her, since everything else was so perfect.

It had been about a month since my best friend and I had been transported into the world of _Pirates of the Caribbean_. We had spent many long nights discussing the details of our adventure, and longing for a return. But, although we kept a sharp eye wherever we went, that mysterious black hole that had transported us to _POTC_-world was gone. We had to be content with watching the movie over and over and over and over and over again. And then a few more times. 

Carrie's parents were on vacation, and Darla, her younger sister who had almost ruined the plot of our POTC adventure, was at summer camp. So Carrie and I were alone in her large home. Or so we thought. . . 

On screen, Captain Jack Sparrow was inspecting the crew Mr. Gibbs had assembled for him. Carrie and I recited the lines along with our favorite characters. 

"So this is your able-bodied crew?" Carrie and Will said.

"You there, sailor," Jack and I said.

"Cotton, sir," Gibbs and Carrie clarified.

"Mr. Cotton. Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?" Jack and I asked. "Answer, man!"

Suddenly, a crash was heard coming from somewhere upstairs. Carrie and I glanced at each other and, without a word, agreed to investigate. We ran upstairs and followed a stream of curses to Carrie's brother's room. (He was away at college)

Lying on the floor, tangled in the cord of a lamp, was none other than the famous Captain Jack Sparrow. Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann were on the bed in a tangle of limbs and skirts and bedclothes. 

"Bloody hell, did I lose the _Pearl_ again?" Jack asked, realizing that he was no longer on the deck of a pirate ship.

"Jack! Will! Elizabeth! What are you doing here?" I asked. Jack looked up in surprise.

"Liz! Carrie! What are _ye_ doin' here?" Jack asked. "Did ye catch a glimpse of the yellow-bellied coward that ran off with me ship?" Jack asked.

"Can one of you tell me where exactly I am and how I ended up here?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nice shirt," Will commented to me. I was wearing a t-shirt adorned with a picture of Will Turner and the phrase, "I'm a Will fan girl."

"Oh. Uh. Thanks. Perhaps you should all come downstairs with us," I said. Carrie helped Jack up and we all went downstairs, into the kitchen.

"Can I offer you anything to drink? Water? Or perhaps some rum?" Carrie offered.

"Rum? Where?" Jack asked, perking up. Carrie got a bottle of some expensive-looking rum out of her parent's liquor cabinet and poured Jack a glass. She gave Will and Elizabeth glasses of water.

"What is all this stuff?" Will asked, poking the refrigerator gently, as if he was afraid it would spring to life and eat him up. When Carrie used the icemaker to fill the cups with ice, he jumped back in surprise.

"Relax, Will. It's just ice. See? Plain old frozen water," Carrie said, holding the glass up to him. Will shook his head and sat down next to Elizabeth.

"Okay, now this may be rather hard to believe, but. . . well, you're in America, and it's the 21st century," I explained.

Elizabeth and Will gave me looks of disbelief. Jack looked nonplussed and simply took another swig of rum.

"Do any of ye know who took me ship?" Jack asked.

"Uh. . . Liz. . . I think you ought to take a look at this. . ." Carrie said. She was standing at the back door, looking at something outside. I went to see what was wrong and gasped.

The _Black Pearl_ was floating in Carrie's pool.

"Somehow I think the neighbors may not like this very much," Carrie said.

"Jack, do you remember anything that happened right before you got here?" I asked.

Jack thought hard for a moment or two. "Well, we had jus' landed at Isla de Muerta. Needed to stock up on some loot before we could buy any more rum. I sent the crew to gather up some more gold and jewels, but Will, Elizabeth, and I stayed on board. A strong wind picked up, and the _Pearl_ started to move around a bit. A big wave sent me rollin' across the deck and I knocked me head on a barrel. Knocked me out cold. Next thing I knew, I was all tangled up in that funny rope."

"I was knocked out, too, just after Jack," Will said. 

"The last thing I remember is seeing this large black portal open up. We were swallowed by it and transported here. But it took such a long time, I fell asleep before we got here," Elizabeth replied.

"Ah, the portal," Carrie and I sighed. 

"So how are we supposed to get back to Isla de Muerta?" Will asked.

"I don't know. I suppose you'll just have to stay here until the portal opens up again," Carrie replied.

"But Carrie, your parents are coming back in two days, and we have to go back to school in a week. What are we going to do with them?" I asked.

"Good question." Carrie sat down at the table, taking a sip of Jack's rum to help her think. "All right, I've got it! The perfect plan! We'll say they're foreign exchange students from England. They can go to school with us!"

"Carrie, do you _really_ think a pirate, a blacksmith turned pirate, and a noblewoman turned pirate would _ever_ survive high school?" I asked incredulously.

"Missy, we've battled Barbossa and his crew of undead pirates. I vanished from under the eyes of seven agents of the East India Company. I sacked Nassau Port without firing a single shot. There's _nothing_ Captain Jack Sparrow can't handle. Savvy?" Jack asked me.

I nodded and told him, "I understand, but what you don't realize is what you're getting yourself into. This is the biggest, most fearsome enemy you've ever faced. This. . . _this_ is high school."

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A/N: Okay, there ya go, first chapter. Tell me what you think and I just may give you a cookie!

-Stacy


	2. First Day of School

Chapter 2: First Day of School

A/N: savvy0234, thank you very much for reviewing!

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"So how do I look?"

I glanced up when Will walked in the room and almost busted a rib from laughing so hard. Will had raided Carrie's brother's closet for more appropriate clothes to wear. His choice? A crisp white dress shirt with a wild, neon-orange vest, red pants, one red tennis shoe, and one green tennis shoe. Upon his head he had placed a pair of striped boxers.

"What? Is this wrong?" Will asked, looking so cute and confused, I just had to laugh harder.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Will, come on, let me help you. Is Jack still looking for clothes?" I asked.

Will hesitated. "Um. . . you could say that. . ."

Dragging Will by the hand, I went into Carrie's brother's room. Jack was standing in the middle of the room in his skivvies, arms folded across his chest, and a look of impudence upon his face.

"Jack, you're supposed to be dressed! We have to leave for school in ten minutes! You don't want to be late on your first day, do you?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, lass, but I jus' can't wear any o' this. Do I look like an aristocrat to ye?" Jack asked, his eyes _daring_ me to give the wrong answer.

"Jack, these aren't aristocrat clothes. These are. . . middle-class, you could say. It's what _everyone_ wears around here. Here, let me pick some stuff out for you." I went into the closet and handed Jack and Will each a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I got them shoes that actually matched (luckily, their shoe sizes were nearly the same as Carrie's brother.)

"There, now, don't we look nice?" I said in a sarcastically sweet voice. I patted them each on the cheek before dragging them into the bathroom. "All right, now we have to do your hair. Jack. . . oh, man, I have no idea what we can do with that mess. Let me do Will first."

"Now yer gonna mess with me hair? I'm not sure I can take this, love," Jack complained.

"Oh, pipe down, ya big baby," I scolded. Jack looked flabbergasted that anyone had dared insult The Famous Captain Jack Sparrow. I ignored him and pulled Will to the sink. "First of all, you need to shave. You're supposed to look 16, or at least close to it. Please hurry, Will, we don't have a lot of time. Jack, you stay here. I'm gonna go check on Carrie and Elizabeth."

When I entered Carrie's room, it looked like I had just missed Hurricane Swann. Elizabeth was standing in the middle of a pile of clothes, looking at least halfway normal with some cute low rise jeans and a peasant-style shirt on. 

"Here, try these on, Liz," Carrie's voice called from somewhere in the closet. She threw out a pair of flip-flops, which nearly hit me in the head.

"Whoa, watch it, Carrie!" I laughed. Carrie's head emerged from the closet and she grinned.

"So whaddya think? Can Elizabeth pass for a high school student?" Carrie asked. I looked at Elizabeth appraisingly.

"Hmm. . . well, she's doing much better than Jack and Will, but I still say we're crazy for trying to pull this off. Oh, crap, we only have five minutes. I'll go get our backpacks, you check on Will and Jack."

Carrie and I ran around the house, trying to get everyone ready. Will and Elizabeth did end up looking pretty normal, although they were quite obviously too old for high school. Jack, on the other hand, was hopeless. Finally we gave up on trying to get him to shave and allowed him to wear his normal red bandana. 

We made it out the door right on time and caught the bus. We sat all the way in the back and avoided eye contact with everyone, although they were all staring at us.

When we got to school, Carrie and I took our three "foreign exchange students" to the office for registration. 

"Ahem," I coughed. The registrar glanced up at me with a bored expression. "Ah, hi there. I, um, actually, well, my friend. . ."

"What do you need?" the registrar asked impatiently. 

"I have three foreign exchange students staying with me and I need to register them and make sure they're in all my classes because they're very nervous and they need a friend to guide them through an American high school," Carrie said quickly. 

"Names, please."

"Wha? Ye mean to say ye've never heard of Captain Jack Sparrow?" Jack asked incredulously. The registrar gave him a funny look.

"He's a famous rock star where he comes from," I explained.

"And where, exactly, are you from, Mr. Sparrow?" the registrar asked, peering over the tops of her spectacles.

"First off, lass, the name is _Captain_ Sparrow. Secondly, England," Jack replied, giving her a charming smile and a wink.

"And your names?" She peered at Will and Elizabeth.

"Will and Elizabeth Turner," Will responded. 

"Siblings, I presume?"

"No, we're mar-" Elizabeth began.

"Cousins, actually. They're cousins through their fathers," I cut her off.

"And your name?" She looked at Carrie.

"Carrie Clevingar," Carrie replied. The registrar poked a few buttons of her keyboard, stared at the screen for an insane amount of time, hemmed and hawed a bit, and finally printed out schedules for Will, Jack, and Elizabeth.

It was that easy. We waltzed from the office with confident strides. By some stroke of luck (mainly the powers of the author), I was in every one of their classes as well. We barely had enough time to find our lockers before the first bell rang. Our first class was on the top floor, and our lockers were on the bottom, so we had to scurry to make it to class on time. There were four seats available up front, and one all the way in the back. Will, Elizabeth, Carrie, and I took the front seats, so Jack had to go to the back of the class.

"Good morning class, and welcome to your first day as juniors at Morris High School," Mr. Winters wheezed in his dry, creaky voice. "This is U.S. History, so naturally, we will be discussing the history of the United States." Mr. Winters laughed as if he had cracked a brilliant joke. A wadded-up piece of paper zoomed from the back of the room and hit him in the middle of the forehead. The class cracked up.

Glancing back, I saw that Jack was quickly making friends with the troublemakers of my year. I laughed, shaking my head, and hoped the school would still be standing by the time Jack got through with it.

"Now who threw that?" Mr. Winters demanded. "Come on now, you are juniors now. Leave the childishness to the freshmen."

This time, a paper airplane hit him in the forehead. I had to admit, Jack had pretty good aim, especially considering I had caught him sneaking sips of rum from a hip flask that morning. 

"Class, I must insist, someone please tell me who is doing this!" Mr. Winters pleaded. The class just laughed harder.

Mr. Winters continued to be pelted with projectiles from the back of the room until the bell rang and we jetted from the room as fast as we could, hurrying to second period. 

"Jack, you better behave yourself in this class. Ms. Pearle is known for giving Saturday schools if a student _breathes_ too loudly," I warned.

"Ah, don't worry bout me, love. I think I can handle one grumpy old hag," Jack replied with a wink. We entered the classroom, where Ms. Pearle was leaning against her desk, surveying the class with a careful eye.

Jack stopped in his tracks. Carrie and I giggled, recognizing the look in his eye. Many a first-time student in Ms. Pearle's class had looked at her with the same expression.

The fact was, Ms. Pearle was drop-dead gorgeous. She was 20-something and fresh out of college. Her previous jobs included modeling for Victoria's Secret and working at Hooter's. A few too many old fat guys pinching her butt had turned her bitter at a young age, and what better way to channel that bitterness than to become a teacher?

As Carrie, Will, Elizabeth, and I took our seats, Jack sauntered up to Ms. Pearle, twirling his moustache and smoothing his goatee. Carrie and I shared smug smiles, looking forward to the meeting between a modern-day Barbossa and Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Good morning, Ms. Pearle. I jus' wanted to introduce myself. My name is Jack Sparrow. But, I suppose ye knew that already. Ye look like a smart lass," Jack said, giving her a once-over.

"Mr. Sparrow, kindly take a seat," Ms. Pearle ordered, her voice like ice. It was clear to everyone that she wasn't willing to give Jack the time of day, but a small fact like that wouldn't deter him. Jack sat on her desk, smiling innocently. (As innocently as someone like Jack Sparrow could, at least)

"It's Captain Sparrow, savvy?" he corrected.

"Well then, _Captain_ Sparrow, let me tell you a little something. I know you are a foreign exchange student, so I will cut you a little slack. But do _not_ get used to any sort of special treatment in this classroom. When I say take a seat, I do _not_ mean you may defile _my _personal property by placing your butt upon it. Now, _Captain_ Sparrow, I want you to take a look at the class. Do you see those chairs out there? They belong to the public school system, and I do not care about their well-being at all. So do feel free to place your butt upon one of the empty ones. And when the bell rings and the class stampedes out like a herd of mindless cows, _you_ will not be among them. _You_ will be sitting right thee, in that chair, writing out the words 'I will never sit on Ms. Pearle's desk again' exactly 100 times." Ms. Pearle narrowed her eyes, giving him a glare that was known to make varsity all-star football players tremble. "Savvy?"

Jack cleared his throat nervously and quickly sat down between Will and me. He turned to me and whispered, "Quite the saucy one, innit she?"

"Just how you like 'em, eh?" I guessed.

Jack just winked at me.

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A/N: R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you very much. Hope you're enjoying yourselves so far.

Once more, let me remind you to R/R!

Thanks,

-Stacy


	3. The Commodore and the Monkey

Chapter 3: The Commodore and the Monkey

A/N: First off, please allow me to apologize. I know it's been awhile since I updated (kinda sorta, it's only been a few days) but I've been stuck. If you have suggestions, throw 'em out there. I don't know what the plot of this story is. That's really not good. Plus, now my Internet has decided to go all haywire, so that may delay the next update as well. But I promise you shall have your story, and read it, too!

Anyway, a great big THANK YOU goes out to the following people who have made me very happy: Savvy0234, Elrothiel, hecate-goddess, Lady Vamp 1, beano, Jen17, sally32915, Madelynne Rabb, PiPPi, Lilliwen, and DarkAngel.

You all rock!! 

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Once we were released from the hell that is Ms. Pearle's class, we had a ten-minute "Nutrition Break." Carrie and I took Will and Elizabeth to meet our friends.

"Carrie! Liz! It's so good to see you!" exclaimed Diamond, one of our closest friends, and also the school gossip. "Omigosh, did you hear about the new foreign exchange students? No one knows a whole lot about them yet, but Frankie told Crystal who told Sally who told _me _that Rebecca was in their first period and one of them looks exactly like Jack Sparrow and his name is even Jack Sparrow and he talks like a pirate and he's really hot just like Jack Sparrow and did I mention he looks _exactly _like Jack Sparrow? So who are they?" Diamond asked, finally pausing for breath and noticing Will and Elizabeth.

"Um, Diamond, the foreign exchange students are staying with me. This is Will and Elizabeth Turner. They're cousins. And, uh, no relation to the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ characters," Carrie replied.

"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Diamond. Are you seniors? Because you look really old," Diamond commented.

"No, we're juniors," Will replied. "We just ate a lot of vegetables when we were little."

"Yeah, and milk. It makes your bones grow strong," Elizabeth added. 

"So the guy that looks and talks and acts exactly like Jack Sparrow is staying with you, too?" Diamond asked. Carrie nodded. "What's his story?"

"He's a famous British rock star. The writers for _Pirates_ based the character Jack Sparrow on this guy because he's _so_ cool. He got paid a lot of money so that they could do that, but they didn't give him any credit, so he went a little mad. Now he thinks he's actually a pirate. Just make sure you call him Captain and never insult the _Black Pearl_," I explained. 

"Oh, okay, that's so cool! I can't believe Jack Sparrow is based on a real person named Jack Sparrow! Hey, Frankie, did you hear about Jack Sparrow?" Diamond ran off to talk to someone else. Carrie and I laughed, but Will and Elizabeth looked slightly frightened. 

"Don't worry, you'll get used to her," Carrie assured them. "Come on, I want to introduce you to the rest of our friends."

So Will and Elizabeth met the people Carrie and I spent most of our time with: Josh, Jake, Mikey, Sam, Steven, Samantha, Kara, Skye, Amanda, and Ashley. All of our friends believed the story about Jack Sparrow being based on the English rocker, Jack Sparrow. (Hey, we never said they were our _smart _friends)

The rest of the school day was rather uneventful. After school, we all went back to Carrie's house. Jack immediately went into the backyard and holed himself up in his cabin on the _Black Pearl_. He was not enjoying modern times as much as Will and Elizabeth, despite the fact that he'd made many friends and was well on his way to becoming one of the most popular people in school.

"So how long has the world been like this?" Will asked, taking a Hot Pocket out of the microwave.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like. . . well, like this! With water and ice coming out of magical white boxes, and great monsters being used instead of horses, and huge birds transporting people through the sky, and the finest blacksmithing ever seen!" Will replied, waving his arms to encompass all the modern marvels of the world. 

"Oh, you mean how long has it been modernized. Well, you see, Will, it all started with industrialization, in England. . ." Carrie began.

One hour later. . . 

". . . and that's how we harness electricity! Now, on to how automobiles work. . ."

One more hour later. . . 

"Okay, now let's take a look at the history of aviation. It started with the Wright brothers. . ."

Many hours later. . . 

"Carrie, get up, you're going to be late!" Carrie's mother's voice called. Carrie, Will, Elizabeth, and I were still in the kitchen. Carrie had been droning on all night. Will, Elizabeth, and I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of her explanation on how ice machines work, and woke up just as she was finishing up a lecture on capitalism and its benefits. 

"Oh, crap, we have to get to school!" I cried, seeing the time. 

"Someone go get Jack. Everyone else, get dressed!" Carrie ordered.

After frantically scrambling around for twenty minutes, we were all ready for school. Right when we stepped through the entrance, the bell rang, so we rushed to Mr. Winters classroom. By this time, the rumor about POTC's Jack Sparrow being based on a British rock star named Jack Sparrow had spread around school like wildfire. As soon as Jack stepped in the class, the whispering began. He ignored everyone and went straight to the back of the classroom, where one of the so-called "class clowns" handed him a spitwad launcher. 

"Looks like Jack is going to make class exciting again today," I muttered to Carrie as we sat down.

"Too bad. I was hoping to catch some Z's this period," Carrie sighed. 

Carrie never had a chance for sleeping. From the moment Mr. Winters greeted the class until the moment the bell rang, Jack and his buddies launched projectiles at Mr. Winters. Everyone in class was in stitches as we watched Mr. Winters frantically try to regain control of his classroom. 

In second period, Jack tried to work his charm on Ms. Pearle again. He had brought her an authentic pirate medallion (luckily one that didn't have an ancient Aztec curse placed upon it) as well as a fresh rose from Carrie's garden. Ms. Pearle was not impressed and simply told Jack to sit down and shut up. The class snickered and expected Jack to just give up, but I could tell from the mischievous glint in his eye that he was not about to give up on Ms. Pearle. I also noticed that when Ms. Pearle was taking the rose to the trashcan, she lingered for a moment, fingering its soft petals, before disposing of it.

During the day, Jack spent all passing periods and breaks running around with his crew of miscreants. They basically idolized him, which is probably the only reason Jack spent any time with them at all. Will and Elizabeth hung out with Carrie, me, and the rest of our group. (Although they avoided Carrie whenever they could, so as not to induce another all-night lecture)

After school, Will, Elizabeth, Carrie, and I couldn't find Jack. We were supposed to walk to my house together to work on a science project (Second day of school and we already had a monstrous load of homework! It was absurd!) but Jack was MIA. We went all over school looking for him, and finally discovered him in Ms. Pearle's classroom.

Ms. Pearle was sitting on her desk. Leaning, actually. Captain Jack Sparrow had one arm leaning on the desk, the other hand was playing with Ms. Pearle's pearl necklace. He was recounting the tale of how his first crew had mutinied and left him on an island, but he escaped and swam to a neighboring island that was inhabited by cannibals.

"And then they made me their chief," Jack was saying when we opened the door.

Ms. Pearle jumped in surprise. Rather flustered, she quickly told Jack to leave and shooed us out of her classroom. Carrie, Elizabeth, Will, and I started cracking up. Jack just smiled cockily.

"What'd I tell ya? No woman can resist the charms o' Captain Jack Sparrow," he boasted.

Back at my house, we discovered that my parents were out for the evening. By some eerie sixth sense, Jack was led to the liquor cabinet and proceeded to get smashed while the rest of us worked on the project. Around 5:30, the phone rang. It was a frantic Darla calling for Carrie.

"Carrie! Carrie, you have to come home right now! Mom and Dad are at the store and I really need help!" Darla's voice was so loud everyone in the kitchen could hear it.

"Calm down, Darla, and tell me what happened," Carrie said.

"The stupid monkey! He went crazy! And James started crying when I got mad and told him that he was a loser cuz Elizabeth left him for Will. . . oh, no, bad monkey! You stay away from those boxers, they're icky!"

The line went dead.

"What was that all about?" Will asked.

"I don't know, but I don't like the sound of it. I think we need to move the study party over to my place," Carrie said. We packed up all our stuff and walked (or stumbled, in Jack's case) to Carrie's casa. (Meaning house, for you non-Spanish speakers out there) 

"Darla? Is everything. . . o. . . kay. . ." Carrie trailed off as we walked through the door and took in the scene laid before us. The house was trashed. Plants were knocked over, spilling soil onto the beige carpet. A broken window and a smashed vase added to the decor and complimented the torn drapery well. In the kitchen, food was splattered everywhere and the table was overturned.

"Carrie!" Darla screamed, running down the stairs as we moved into the family room, finding more signs of an earthquake, or perhaps a hurricane, or maybe even a tsunami. 

"Darla, what the hell happened here?" Carrie yelled.

Suddenly, Carrie was attacked by the catalyst that had started all this destruction. Jack the monkey leapt onto Carrie's head, screeching like a banshee (or an angry monkey). 

"Ahhhhhh!!!!! Get it off, get it off, get it off! ARGH!!! Someone do something! Don't stand there you bloody imbeciles, do something, you nincompoops, help me, or it's you we'll load into the cannons!" Carrie screamed. Will tried to pry the monkey off while Elizabeth smacked it with a rolled up newspaper (where she got it, I've no idea). 

"Everyone stay calm! I will assist you!" yelled a commanding voice. Commodore Norrington came into the room, sword drawn. When he saw Will he yelped, dropping the sword. "You!"

"You!" Will returned.

"Commodore?" Elizabeth asked.

"Norrington?" I said.

"HELP ME!" Carrie yelled.

"Where's me bloody rum?" Jack muttered.

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A/N: Bwahahaha, an evil cliffhanger! What will happen now that we have Commodore Norrington and Jack the monkey?! You must wait to find out! If you love me, hate me, or have no preference, please leave a review! That means you! Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated, please!

-Stacy


	4. Another Crazy Plan

Chapter 4: Another Crazy Plan

A/N: I am SOOOOOOO sorry I've taken so long to update, but I have an acute case of the dreaded Writer's Block! (dun dun dun!!!! *woman screams*) Anywho, I hope you like this chapter, and I hope you can forgive me for being so slow!

Thank you to my reviewers!!!!!!

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Carrie had started running around wildly, beating her fists on the monkey in an attempt to make it get off her head. Since her eyesight was blocked by the monkey's butt, she didn't see the wall she was heading for. She ran into it, head (or rather monkey) first. The dazed Jack-Monkey slid off her head and onto the ground. Now Carrie was able to turn her full wrath on Darla.

"What happened here?" she asked, her voice low and menacing. Predictably, Darla started to sniffle. Carrie shouted, "Oh no you don't! Stop hiding behind your tears! Face me like a man! WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Darla sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine, I get your point. Last night I stole your _Pirates of the Caribbean_ DVD and came downstairs to watch it. Halfway through, there was this soft 'POOF' sound, and suddenly I had a monkey in my lap, and James we lying on the floor. I hid them in my room for the day, and when I got home from school I let them out so we could play. The monkey went crazy, and James was just being a crybaby about everything."

"I was not!" James (Norrington) cried, indignant. "You weren't being nice! You hurted my feelings!" 

"You broke my favorite Barbie!" Darla shouted.

"It was ugly, anyway! They should make a Barbie that looks like Miss Swann." Norrington sighed dreamily, batting his eyes at Elizabeth.

"It's Mrs. Turner now, Commodore, and stop looking at me like that! It really creeps me out," Elizabeth ordered, moving closer to Will.

Norrington pouted and almost started to cry, but just then Jack-Monkey screeched and started running all over the house. We were all so surprised that we were frozen momentarily. Carrie was the first to be spurred into action.

"What are you all waiting for?! Catch that damned monkey!" she yelled.

We scrambled into action, almost tripping over each other to try to get to the monkey, who was rooting through the mess in the kitchen. When Jack-Monkey saw us, he screeched and ran off.

"Head him off at the stairs!" Commodore Norrington yelled.

"Get him, Will!" I yelled as the monkey ran between Will's legs. He made a grab for it, but ended up grabbing Elizabeth's leg and pulling her to the floor. 

"Get up, this isn't the time to consummate the marriage!" Carrie yelled. Elizabeth and Will, quite flustered, got to their feet and ran after the monkey.

"It's heading for the master bedroom! Shut the door!" I shouted.

"Has anyone seen me rum? I swear it was here a second ago," Jack mumbled, scratching his head in confusion.

"Jack! Get the monkey!" I yelled as the monkey scampered down the hallway and leapt off the banister that overlooked the family room. 

"Huh?" Jack said, looking at me confusedly. The monkey landed on his head, then leapt onto the dining room table. (The dining room was attached to the family room.) "Ahh! It's the monkey! The evil monkey!"

"Of course it's the evil monkey, where the devil have _you_ been?" Norrington asked.

"Ahhh! It's the Commodore! The evil Commodore!" Jack yelled.

"Of course it's the evil Commodore, where the hell have _you_ been?" Will asked.

"Ahhhhh! It's the blacksmith! The evil blacksmith!" Jack yelled.

I smacked Jack upside the head, who then turned around very fast while trying to unsheath his sword. He ended up getting too dizzy and falling over. 

"I swear, ya put a drop of rum in him and he goes mad," I muttered.

"You mean he's not mad when he doesn't have rum?" Carrie asked skeptically.

"Whatever. The monkey!" I yelled.

After almost an hour of frantic running around, yelling, falling over, more yelling, three grown men crying, one near-death experience, and two fistfights, we caught the monkey. Carrie found an old kennel from when they used to have a dog and we locked the monkey up. He screeched and yelled and banged around, but he couldn't get out.

"Aye, I told ye I could catch that monkey," Jack said cockily. "Nothin' to it. He ain't so bad. Jus' a stupid little monkey."

Jack put his fingers in the cage and wiggled them as if taunting Jack-Monkey. Jack-Monkey screeched especially loud and lunged at Jack, who screamed and backed away.

"What? You didn't catch the monkey, I did! For that, I shall give you a short drop and a sudden stop!" Norrington declared.

"Norrington, you're daft! I caught the monkey!" Carrie yelled.

"What are you talking about? It was all me!" Will shouted. Everyone started yelling at once and a brawl almost broke out, but Darla shouted,

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"

And everyone shut up.

"Stop fighting! You sound like children! Why can't we all just get along?" Darla scolded us. We all hung our heads in shame, feeling like immature brats.

"Norrington started it," Jack muttered.

"Did not! It was you!" Norrington argued.

"Oh, you are such a tattle-tale," Elizabeth said. It was unclear whether she was talking to Jack or Norrington, so both men took offense.

"Excuse me, love, but if we really want to get technical about this, this is all your fault!" Jack pointed out.

"How could you leave me for a _blacksmith_? He doesn't even have a wig!" Norrington cried. 

"At least I don't look like a snow cone!" Will retorted.

"How is this my fault?" Elizabeth demanded.

So Will and Norrington started arguing about whose hair was better, while Jack tried to explain to an irate Elizabeth how if she had never been kidnapped in the first place, Jack and Will would not be friends, and therefore would not have ended up in the 21st century together.

Carrie, Darla, and I held a quick conference and decided that, as long as they weren't brandishing sharp objects at each other, it wouldn't hurt to sit back and watch for a little while.

When Norrington had Will in a headlock, Darla started taking bets. I put my money on Will, and Carrie bet on Norrington, who did seem to have the upper hand in wrestling, for some odd reason.

When Elizabeth stole Jack's hat and ran away with it, I bet that Jack would get it back and then attempt to murder Elizabeth. Carrie bet that Elizabeth would do something horrible to the hat and Jack's glare of death would be enough to kill her.

Elizabeth ran off, Jack hot on her heels. When they passed through again, Jack was holding a meat cleaver and looked slightly insane. With a sigh, Carrie and I got up to intervene. 

"Jack! Look out! Barbossa's gonna get the _Pearl_!" I yelled. 

"That dirty good-for-nothing yellow-bellied dog! I'll kill 'im with me bare hands I will, how dare he go anywhere near my ship!" Jack roared, dropping the meat cleaver and running outside to the _Pearl_. Elizabeth stopped running and thanked me gratefully.

"He was going to kill me. Uncivilized pirates," she spat.

"Excuse me, Miss Elizabeth, but who was the one who started it? I do believe it was you! Now give me that hat. I want you to go sit on the couch and think about what you've done for ten minutes," I ordered.

Elizabeth pouted but did hand over the hat. We both went back into the family room, where Carrie and Darla were trying to break up Will and Norrington. By this time, both men were considerably sweaty from all the effort it took to attempt a murder. Will's shirt was ripped and Norrington's wig was askew. 

"Hey Norry, look, it's Elizabeth in a bikini!" I called. Norrington leapt to his feet and looked wildly around.

"What? Where?"

Carrie, Darla, and I took this opportunity to apprehend both men. Carrie and I held back the strong blacksmith, while Darla held the wimpy Commodore, who looked like he had fought valiantly but lost miserably. Grinning smugly, I accepted the five bucks from Carrie she owed me for losing that bet. 

After making Norrington and Will sit at opposite ends of the couch, with Elizabeth sitting on the floor across the room from both men, Darla was sent to find Jack and bring him back inside. Jack-Monkey was still safely locked up in his cage and finally seemed to have spent up all his demonic energy. He was sleeping peacefully in one corner, and actually looked a little bit cute.

"So what are we supposed to do with a monkey?" Carrie asked when Jack and Darla joined us once more.

"Let's not forget Jack-Monkey. We have to figure out what to do with him as well," I added.

"You're right," Norrington nodded before he realized what we had just said. "Hey! I am not a monkey! I refuse to be belittled by little American girls!"

"Shut up Norrington, or the wig gets it," Darla threatened. Norrington curled up into the fetal position, keeping his hands on his wig and muttering something incoherently. 

"Well, our 'foreign exchange program' is working out really well. . ." Carrie began. 

"Carrie, people were curious enough when Jack Sparrow waltzed into class. What are they going to think if Commodore Norrington shows up?" I asked skeptically. 

"He's not as freaky looking as Jack. With the right accessories, we could make him look as normal as Will and Elizabeth," Carrie argued.

"But what about Jack-Monkey?" I asked.

"He could be Norrington's guide monkey. You know, like if he was blind," Darla suggested.

Carrie, Darla, and I exchanged looks, giving Norrington an appraising look.

"All right. Let's do it," Carrie said.

"We're crazy," I sighed.

"I will not be lead about by a crazy monkey!" Norrington protested.

"For the last time, lasses. . . WHERE THE BLOODY HELL DID ME RUM GO?" Jack yelled.

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A/N: R/R!!!! Thanks, and have a lovely day. : - )

-Stacy


	5. Norry Goes to School

Chapter 5: Norry Goes to School

A/N: Okay, you can all go ahead and kill me now. I'M SO SORRY! I know this update has taken forever, but my plot bunnies have been forcing me to write LOTR stories more lately. Please, please, please forgive me!!!

Anyway, on with the story. And a great big **THANK YOU** goes out to those who have reviewed since my last update, as well as those who reviewed previous chapters, and those who read my story but don't leave reviews.

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Carrie's father was a zookeeper, and he kept a lot of his supplies in the basement. Carrie found a very powerful tranquilizer designed to work on elephants that we could use to sedate Jack-Monkey. He did calm down a bit, but it didn't knock him out totally. He was still able to walk. (Okay, it was more like a stagger, but we thought it could work.)

We then moved the party over to my house. We introduced James and Jack-Monkey to my mom, who barely blinked an eye at James' British Royal Navy uniform and his Spider Monkey companion.

"Just don't let the seeing-eye monkey poop on the carpet," she requested calmly.

Unfortunately, I didn't have an older brother from whom we could steal clothes from, but I did have a seven-year-old little brother. He was at soccer practice, so we were free to raid his closet. We took a few choice articles of clothing I didn't think Larry would miss and hoarded them in the guest room closet. Then we locked James and the monkey in and left them alone for the night. Carrie, Jack, Will, and Elizabeth returned to their own homes, wishing me luck.

The night passed without mishap, but the morning was a different story. It took me twenty minutes of chasing Jack-Monkey around the guest room until I could hold him still long enough to inject more tranquilizers in his little body. Then James threw a fit because I told him he couldn't wear his wig or his uniform or his sword to school. I finally persuaded him to step into some jeans (which were about six inches too short for him) and a yellow shirt (which was about six sizes too small for him) and styled his hair into a somewhat acceptable style. None of Larry's shoes would fit him, so we borrowed a pair of my father's dress shoes. James looked ridiculous, as if he had gotten dressed in the dark. . . or as if he was blind.

Which reminded me to find a pair of super dark sunglasses for him to wear, Stevie Wonder style. Then we strapped a vest onto Jack-Monkey, on which I had written: "Specially Trained Seeing-Eye Monkey. Please do not pet. On-duty." We took a dog collar and a leash and now we had Blind James and the Seeing Eye Monkey. 

It was absurd. It would never work.

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"I can't believe it worked!" I exclaimed as we came out of the main office. I held in my hand a schedule identical to my own, except it said "James Norrington" at the top, instead of my name. The monkey, perhaps sensing my excitement, managed a feeble hop before he resumed dragging his feet down the hallway.

"Are you sure drugging the monkey was the best way to go? He's not really so bad, once you get to know him," Jack commented. 

"It's better this way. Come on, we have to hurry, or we'll be late for first period!" Carrie urged.

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Jack spent first period in his usual place (the back of the room), while James spent his time drooling over Elizabeth. The rest of us acted pretty normally, which was a miracle. Even Jack-Monkey behaved himself.

The bell rang and we rushed off to second period. Jack had a cocky smile on his face and entered the classroom far ahead of any of us. When we got there, he was flirting with Ms. Pearle in the front of the room. She seemed very flustered and embarrassed, though oddly flattered. When James walked in, she did a double-take.

"Mr. Sparrow, please, take your seat at once. Now then, class, it looks like we have a new student. What is your name?" Ms. Pearle asked, looking at James. At first I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She actually sounded. . . _nice_. I hoped this wasn't the calm before the storm or something.

"I am Commodore James Norrington, British Royal Navy. At your service, ma'am," he said, bowing low. Some in the class snickered. I heard one girl sneer, "He actually thinks he's a commodore, like the guy in _Pirates_!" and bit my lip worriedly. 

"Well James–" (the class gasped. She had called him James, not Mr. Norrington) "–welcome to my classroom. I hope you can enjoy this class." Ms. Pearle flashed a charming smile. More gasps were heard. Ms. Pearle smiling at someone was like winning the lottery- it just didn't happen to normal people!

"Why thank you, Ms. Pearle. I'm sure I will love learning under your careful guidance. This establishment is quite lucky to have such a fine specimen teaching these youngsters–"

I dragged him away from Ms. Pearle and into an empty chair before he said anything that would blow our whole cover. 

"Wait just a second. James, why don't you tell the class a little bit about yourself and where you come form," Ms. Pearle requested.

The entire class was exchanging whispers of awe and suspicion. Ms. Pearle _never_ sacrificed any class time, because it meant less torture for us. Why was she suddenly giving James the floor, allowing him to take up time in her class? I shuddered, wondering if this signaled that the end of the world was coming.

"I would be glad to," James said, stepping out of his seat and going to the front of the room. Jack-Monkey was dragged along behind him.

"If he's blind, how did he make it to the front of the room without tripping or anything?" one kid whispered.

"Why does that seeing-eye monkey look dead?" another whispered.

Carrie and I exchanged worried glances. Will and Elizabeth clasped hands, thinking the gig was up and they would be sent to prison in shame. Jack just took a discreet sip of rum from his flask, apparently not worried in the least.

"Good morning, students. As I said, I am Commodore James Norrington of the British Royal Navy. I am originally from England, but when our gracious Queen needed someone to guard the new colony of Port Royal established in the Caribbean, I was more than happy to oblige. I have spent many long years scouring the seas, ridding them of these wretched pirates that threaten the safety of my people," James said.

"How can you be a commodore if you're blind?" someone shouted.

A slight pink coloring spread across James' cheeks. He had realized his mistake too late. "Ahem. Ah, well, you see, children, when you have a dream, and you really put your mind to it, and work hard, it is possible to overcome even the toughest of disabilities. That's why I have this monkey! A guide dog would not do for being on the sea, but monkeys are perfect! That's why so many pirates keep them for pets!"

I breathed a sigh of relief. James had pulled through with a perfectly acceptable explanation. The guy was smarter than he looked… sometimes. 

Ms. Pearle suddenly began applauding, much to the surprise of the entire class. And it was not the slow, sarcastic applause she often gave after someone fumbled through an oral presentation. This was real, genuine applause accompanied by a teary smile of pride and admiration.

"Oh, bravo, Commodore! Class, this is a perfect example of someone who was dealt a hardship and didn't let that stop him from succeeding. You should all hope to someday be half as good as Mr. Norrington here!" Ms. Pearle declared.

"Madam, your words are too kind! We British are a very strong people," James said sagely. He took his seat again and Ms. Pearle's smile turned sour again.

"All right, time to move on. Everyone pass in your homework! Except you of course, James," she said, smiling sweetly at James before glaring at the rest of the class. Like a hawk she watched us all take out our homework and pass it to the front of each row. Her death glare latched onto Jack, who, naturally, hadn't bothered to do his. "_Mr._ Sparrow, I see that you have decided that you are above such petty things as homework."

Jack frowned. "Well, lass, I jus' don't see the point in doin' it, seeing as you and I…"

"That's enough!" Ms. Pearle said quickly, before Jack could reveal anything about their 'relationship.' For a moment her composure seemed rattled and she patted her forehead with a handkerchief. But then her glare returned. "Mr. Sparrow, I would like to see you after class. And I expect your homework on my desk no later than 7:00 tomorrow morning."

"_Captain_ Sparrow," he growled.

"Thank you, Mr. Sparrow," she said shortly.

I hid a giggle behind my hand. Apparently we were witnessing a lover's quarrel right in the middle of class. Oh man, I was really gonna miss Jack when he was gone!

*-*-*-*-*-*

Next chapter: what happens when Jack-Monkey's tranquilizers wear off too soon? Oh dear…

This story is going to end soon. Very soon, I hope, because I'm not putting my all into writing it so it's kind of crap.

If you can find it in your heart to review my story even though I abandoned it, I will love you forever!!!!


	6. Jack Sparrow vs Mr Steele

**Chapter Six: Jack Sparrow vs. Mr. Steele**

A/N: Thank you SO, SO, SO, SO, SO much to everyone who has reviewed! I love you all!

Disclaimer: POTC and its characters are not mine. Boo freakin' hoo.

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 After trudging through third and fourth period, we were finally free for lunch. Of course, lunch could (and _did_) prove to be as difficult, if not more so, as any class, especially considering that at our school the whole school had lunch at the same time. 

 I want you to close your eyes and imagine this scene: two semi-normal juniors who had never done anything remarkable entering the cafeteria with 1) a very good-looking Orlando Bloom look-alike, 2) a very attractive Keira Knightley look-alike 3) an… interesting… Jack Sparrow clone 3) a blind commodore whose clothes were too small, and 4) a seeing-eye monkey. Needless to say, we turned heads.

 Trying to avoid as many uncomfortable questions as we could, the six of us plus the monkey secluded ourselves in a small table in the corner after going through the lunch line. The first ten minutes or so of lunch were perfectly peaceful. We did the usual high school routine: complained about classes, complained about the food, complained about the teachers, swapped some gossip, you know, just the usual. James kept Jack-Monkey by our feet underneath the table, and the little guy was so quiet that we pretty much forgot all about him. That was our first mistake.

 Our second mistake was underestimating the intelligence of Jack-Monkey. There's more than one reason that the little guy was named after the infamous Jack Sparrow. The tranquilizer had in fact worn off sometime during fourth period, but he still acted like he was as drugged as could be. As soon as our attention wavered, he quietly slipped out of the collar and put an apple in the loop so there was still some weight on the leash. Then he went off to have some fun.

 I had a forkful of mashed potatoes on the way to my mouth when a shrill shriek made me freeze. Without turning around, some sixth sense told me what had happened. The potatoes plopped off the fork and back onto the plate as I sat there, frozen with my mouth open.

 Closing my eyes in dread, I whispered, "James. Please, _please_ tell me Jack-Monkey is still sitting under the table."

 James lifted the leash with a little laugh, saying, "Well of course he is, where else would he be?"

 "So _that's_ where my apple went," Jack said, snatching the apple out of the collar.

 We all stared at the empty collar in dismay. I was sitting on the side of the table that faced the wall, along with Will, Elizabeth, and James. But Carrie and Jack were sitting on the other side, looking out towards the main cafeteria. Carrie's eyes were not on the collar. She was staring, horror-struck, at something beyond us. With a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, I slowly twisted around to see what had caused the shriek.

 Chaos.

 Pure, utter, and unadulterated chaos.

 That is the only way I can think of to describe the scene that lay before my shocked eyes.

 The entire cafeteria was in an uproar. It took me a few minutes to find the epicenter of the disorder, but as soon as I did I wished I hadn't. Apparently Jack-Monkey had sniffed his way to the cafeteria in search of food. Then he had fallen into a giant vat of bubbling baked beans. The cafeteria lady had scooped him up in her ladle and plopped him onto some poor sophmore's tray. The girl had shrieked and flung her tray right onto the head of the captain of the football team, spilling beans and monkey all over his new varsity jacket.

 Everything else was a direct result of that. The guy scooped beans off his head and flung them over everyone in line, who had in turn flung green Jell-O over him and everyone sitting at his table. They retaliated by flinging anything on their trays at the people in line, and it just spread and spread and spread until everyone in the cafeteria was involved in a massive food fight. 

 As Will, Elizabeth, Carrie, and I stared, awestruck, at this incredible sight, Jack just munched on his apple, completely nonplussed. He either didn't notice or just didn't care about what was going on. That is, until, a glob of chocolate pudding came whizzing our way. Elizabeth ducked in the nick of time and the pudding hit Jack directly in the face.

 The whole cafeteria froze. Jack had become somewhat of an idol very quickly and had somehow gained a reputation for being tough and quick to anger. He rose slowly from his seat, the half-eaten apple rolling out of his grasp and landing with an echoing _BOOM!_ on the floor. With one hand he wiped some of the pudding off his face so he could see. Then, in a low, menacing voice, he asked,

 "Who. Threw. That."

 A young boy, almost certainly a freshman, made a very small sound like a mouse who has just been spotted by the cat.

 Jack gracefully stepped over the bench seat and slowly walked around the table, each footstep echoing through the silent cafeteria like a gunshot. He stopped three inches away from the boy, staring him straight in the eye. The kid's knees were actually knocking. We could all see the sweat rolling off his forehead.

 Very calmly, Jack scooped up some sort of gloppy food from the nearest tray. With his other hand, he lifted one finger and twirled it in a circle. The boy didn't dare disobey and slowly turned around. Jack pulled out the back of his shirt and stuffed the mess in his hand down the boy's shirt. Then he ran his hands down the back, killing two birds with one stone by cleaning off his hands and mashing the mess all over the boy's back. Jack then leaned down so his head was right above the boy's left shoulder. In a loud, clear voice he said,

 "Boy, I hope you learned your lesson. Don't you _ever_ even _think_ about tossing one little _bit_ of food towards this corner again. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?" His lips curled into a ferocious smile. The bright fluorescent lights made his gold teeth flash.

 Jack pushed the kid away from him and walked back to our table. Right before sitting down, he made a small motion with his hand and said, "Please, continue."

 With that, the chaos restarted. And for the next three minutes, not a single bit of nasty cafeteria food came flying in our direction.

 But that was not the least of our worries. We still had the small problem of finding Jack-Monkey amongst this battle. Before we could even begin to look, though, the action froze again.

 The two large main doors had swung open to reveal our principal, Mr. Steele. He was a very tall and very large man with a shiny bald head and dark sunglasses. He had a viper tattooed up his left forearm and "death" tattooed on the knuckles of his right hand. It was rumored that he was once in a gang. Needless to say, he had some authority over his high schoolers.

 "I am giving you five minutes to tell me who began this. Otherwise I will have the entire lot of you out there running laps and doing pushups until your legs fall off and your arms break in half," he said in a loud, booming voice that made even the mightiest of seniors tremble.

 Immediately, the finger-pointing started. Everyone began talking at once until the cafeteria was louder than being in the middle of a mosh pit at a heavy metal concert. Mr. Steele raised one hand and everyone was silenced.

 "Let me repeat myself. You have _four minutes_-" before he could finish his threat, Mr. Steele was interrupted by a projectile flying through the air and latching onto his vest. The whole school went into shock. Even Mr. Steele was caught off his guard and stumbled backwards a few steps. The thing on his chest let out a shriek.

 Will, Elizabeth, Carrie, James, and I winced. (Jack still didn't care.) We all recognized that shriek. The thing on Mr. Steele's chest was Jack-Monkey, disguised by all sorts of food and other unidentifiable… stuff.

 Jack-Monkey was about to make a leap for it and run through the doors, but Mr. Steele's lightning-fast reflexes were too quick for him. The man held the monkey in a death grip at arm's length, his lips curling in a snarl as he eyes the disgusting monkey.

 "Who does this… this _thing _belong to?" he yelled.

 Every finger in that room flew to our corner.

 "You six. With me. _NOW!_" 

 Like the Red Sea, the crowd in the cafeteria parted to allow us access to the quickest path to the doors. A few people were humming funeral marches as we passed. Mr. Steele stepped aside to let us walk through first. He tossed Jack-Monkey to his namesake, as Jack was the leader of the procession. Jack made a disgusted sound and allowed Jack-Monkey to fall to the floor. I quickly scooped him up, keeping my eyes on the floor, but Mr. Steele stopped us by grabbing Jack's arm.

 Big mistake.

 "Hey, mate, hands off," Jack said angrily, wrenching out of Mr. Steele's grasp.

 "What's your name, son?" Mr. Steele asked, his icy blue eyes boring holes in Jack's face.

 "Captain Jack Sparrow at your service," Jack spat.

 "Mr. Sparrow, I would like you to drop and give me fifteen," Mr. Steele said.

 There was a quiet rustling from behind us. I didn't have to look to know that the entire school was gathered in the doorway to watch this showdown between the two toughest people in school.

 "You would like me to give you fifteen _what_, exactly?" Jack asked, just as cool and calm as you please. He met Mr. Steele's gaze eye-for-eye. 

 "Actually, make it twenty, and that's _pushups_, Mr. Sparrow," Mr. Steele replied, crossing his arms across his chest, which was stained with Jack-Monkey's food.

 "It's _Captain_ Sparrow, and no thank you, I think I'll pass," Jack replied.

 The whole school gasped.

 "_What_ did you say?" Mr. Steele demanded.

 "I said no thank you, I don't want to do any pushups," Jack replied.

 "_25_, Mr. Sparrow, and I will see you in my office every day after school for one week," Mr. Steele ordered.

 "Nah."

 "_30_ pushups, Mr. Sparrow, and detention for _two_ weeks!" Mr. Steele shouted. His face was quite red by now, as if his brain was overheating as it tried to comprehend that a student was actually disobeying him.

 Carrie laid a hand on Jack's shoulder. "Please, Jack, just do the pushups," she pleaded in a quiet voice. Jack stared at her for a moment, his face expressionless. Then, to our shock and amazement, he got down and did thirty pushups without breaking a sweat.

 "Happy now?" he grunted at Mr. Steele.

 "My office. All of you."

 Mr. Steele turned neatly on his heel and strode off, the six of us hurrying to follow. 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: Please review! Wow, that chapter was actually a lot of fun to write. I hope you enjoyed it!


	7. Crime and Punishment

**Chapter Seven: Crime and Punishment**

A/N: Thank you to my lovely reviewers! As requested, this chapter features the lovely **TARA** as a cameo-er! (Finished it earlier than I thought! And to answer your other somewhat odd question- you mean Strawberry Shortcake the cartoon character? Ummm she's okay, I don't really care about her one way or the other. Might I inquire as to why you asked? lol)

Disclaimer: POTC is not mine and neither is Tara. I also don't own Crime and Punishment, I just stole the title for the title of this chapter.

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 Mr. Steele led all of us into his office and slammed the door tight behind himself. There were only three other chairs besides his own. Jack quickly claimed one and casually lifted his boots to rest on Mr. Steele's desk. Will, being a gentleman, offered a chair to Elizabeth and Carrie took the last one. I stood against the wall between Will and James, holding Jack-Monkey tightly in my arms.

 The glacial stare of Mr. Steele surveyed us silently for a few moments. Finally Jack let out a huge yawn, stretching his arms far above his head.

 "Listen, mate, is this is gonna take awhile? I have things ta do, ya know," Jack said.

 Mr. Steele glared at him. Any other student would have immediately turned to stone had that stare been directed at them, but Jack just looked right back at him with a bored expression.

 "Like _what_, pray tell?" Mr. Steele asked, folding his hands and leaning forward on his desk.

 "Like anything but waste my time with a scurvy dog like you," Jack replied, also leaning forward.

 "Well Mr. Sparrow, congratulations. You just increased punishment for yourself and all your little friends from ten hours of community service to fifteen. You can start immediately by going about school picking up trash and scraping the gum off the ground. I will come around to check on you periodically and for every time I catch you goofing off I will add another five hours to your total," Mr. Steele said. 

 I let out a small sigh of relief. It wasn't as bad a punishment as I had expected. At least we would get community service credit towards our 32 hour graduation credit.

 "_Furthermore_," Mr. Steele said, and I winced, expecting the real punishment to follow. "You will also take turns serving detentions with Ms. Pearle, who will decide on individual punishments. Go in alphabetical order, starting _now_."

 "Sir, last names or first names?" Carrie asked timidly.

 Mr. Steele sighed, rolling his eyes heavenward. "I don't _care_, just get out of my _sight_!"

 We hurried from the office, pausing when we were far enough down the hallway that Mr. Steele had no chance of hearing our discussion. After some debate we decided to go in alphabetical order by first names, which meant Carrie was first. While she went to Ms. Pearle's classroom, the rest of us went outside to start our community service. We got trash bags and trash grabbers from the janitor's shed and started searching for trash.

 Jack found a nice shady tree to lean against and proceeded to take a nap with his hat over his eyes. I kept glancing worriedly around to make sure Mr. Steele wasn't around until I decided I had to tell Jack to get his lazy butt moving. I didn't want to spend the rest of my high school career picking up trash!

 "Jack," I hissed when I was closer to him. There was no response. I tried again, louder. "Jack!" Nothing more than a loud snore and a mumbled, "I'll meet ye in Tortuga."

 Recalling an episode during my jaunt on the _Black Pearl_, I leaned down real close and whispered, "Jack! They're going to commandeer the _Pearl_!"

 Immediately, Jack sprang to life. He reached for his sword, which we had stripped him of, then started letting out a string of curses before he noticed me standing there, totally unimpressed.

 "You! What ye be wantin', Liz?" he asked.

 "Look, Jack, Mr. Steele said we _all_ have to pick up trash. If he catches you napping he's going to blow his top! We'll be stuck out here picking up trash until we're so old we need diapers!" I said, poking him in the chest for emphasis. He didn't seem to like that very much.

 "Not my problem," he shrugged, settling down again with his hat propped over his eyes. I let out a frustrated sort of yell and poked him with my trash grabber.

 "Jack, _please_! Have a heart for once!" I begged.

 "Pirates don't need hearts," he muttered.

 "Look at Will. He's sort of a pirate and _he _has enough heart to fall in love with a woman. Surely you have some shred of compassion left in you! Just _pretend _like you're doing something, as long as you're not sleeping!" I cried.

 Jack snored in response. I sighed, putting a hand on my head and looking skyward. "Why me?" I asked of a non-existent audience. Just then, my friend Tara came up to me.

 "Hey Liz, what's going on?" she asked, glancing at Jack curiously.

 "Tara, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in class?" I asked.

 She held up a hall pass. "I saw you from my classroom window and asked my teacher if I could use the hall pass. I wanted to find out what Steele did to you guys."

 "Fifteen hours of community service, plus individual detentions with Pearle," I sighed.

 Tara winced. "Ouch. That sucks. Oh, I wanted to warn you. I saw Steele on my way over here. I think he was looking for you guys."

 "Oh, man! If he sees Jack napping, he's gonna add hours to our community service!" I cried. Upon hearing his name, Jack's head shot up.

 "Wha? What is it?" he mumbled.

 "Jack, you have to get up! Steele's coming!" I said, pulling on his arm.

 "So are you really a rock star from England?" Tara asked interestedly. I gave her a look. Now was _so not_ the time for chitchat!

 Jack looked at Tara. Seeing the look she was giving him, he smiled charmingly and got to his feet. "Aye, lass, I'm quite famous where I come from. Just my name can strike fear into the heart of the sturdiest sailor."

 "It's so cool that they based Jack Sparrow in the movie on you. I'm sorry they didn't give you any credit," Tara said sympathetically. Carrie and I had made sure Jack was informed on our cover story, so he knew better than to correct Tara.

 "Aye, it's unfortunate," Jack sighed as if he was truly hurt. He took a step closer to Tara, saying, "But my welcome in America has warmed me old heart. Everyone has just been so… _nice_…" Jack slipped his arm around Tara's shoulders. She giggled and moved closer. 

 "Jack! This is _not_ flirting time! You better get your butt moving to pick up some trash right away or you're going to have to deal with a very _pissed off_ Liz!" I warned, poking his shoulder with my trash grabber.

 Jack gave me a bored look for a moment before he turned back to Tara. "So, care to see me treasure, love?"

 Tara giggled. "As long as it's not cursed!"

 "Of course not," Jack smiled, reaching into his pocket and producing a strand of black pearls. "There ya go, lass, a nice little token to remember ol' Jack by."

 "Why do you listen to Carrie but not me?" I wondered aloud, not expecting a response. "You did push-ups when she told you to, but you won't pick up some trash when I tell you to."

 "Because you told me yourself, firs' time we met, that you're a –whaddya call it? –ah yeah, a Will 'fan girl.' Why should I waste my time on you if yer jus' tryin' ta get to Will?" Jack asked. 

 "_That's_ what this is all about? You're just _jealous?_" I laughed.

 "Why should I be jealous of the whelp?" Jack demanded, apparently quite outraged. "But the fact is, love, I jus' can't understand why so many women find that boy so desirable! I'm the _captain_, for cryin' out loud. He's jus' first mate!" By this time I was laughing so hard I had to lean on the trash grabber for support. It was very obvious that Jack wasn't _entirely_ sober, but his hip flask hadn't provided enough to get him actually _drunk_. He seemed a bit fuzzy and, as a result, a little pissy. I just hoped no one else noticed his buzz.

 "I like you, Jack," Tara smiled.

 "_Captain_ Jack! How many times do I have to say it?" Jack cried in exasperation.

 "Sorry!"

 "Liz!" I turned around at the sound of my name. Will was waving frantically at something coming from the shadows of the hallway. I stared in terror as the person came into the sun. The sun glinted off his shiny bald head, nearly blinding me.

 It was Mr. Steele.

 And he was not happy.

 Tara quickly disappeared, leaving Jack looking quite crestfallen. I guessed it had been awhile since he'd had any female that close to him.

 "Let's see, _two_ people shirking their duties? I suppose I'll have to add _ten_ hours to your total time. Enjoy yourselves, students!" Mr. Steele announced, sounding a bit gleeful that he had the chance to punish us even more. He stood there for a minute or two, watching us with his arms crossed over his chest, before Jack and I came to our senses and began picking up trash again. With that, Mr. Steele left.

 Carrie came back from Ms. Pearle's room a few minutes later, which meant it was Elizabeth's turn for individual detention. (I was going by Liz, not my real name, Elizabeth, which meant I didn't take a turn until after Jack and James.) Carrie took Elizabeth's place and we all resumed picking up trash in silence.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

A/N: Hope you liked that chapter. Tara, I really hope your cameo was to your liking, because I really had no idea what to do with you, lol. 

**Attention:** I will be accepting requests for no more than **two** cameos for an upcoming chapter. First come, first serve, and please provide me with your name (you can use you real one or make one up, I just don't want something like "Will_is_1337") and something that you'd like to do (such as flirt with Jack, get attacked by Jack-Monkey, call James on his non-blindness, anything of that nature). Thank you very much!!!!!


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